“Someday love will find you, break those chains that bind you. One night will remind you how we touched, and went our separate ways”. Seriously what good blog is worthy of your time to read, if it doesn’t reference at least one good Journey song, am I right? So as I sit here, in the 11:00 hour of the morning, with a shot of peanut-butter flavored whiskey by my side, in the middle of a 10-day quarantine due to testing positive for covid, I look back while also looking forward at the same time. Is that really possible?, I like to think so. Now I did warn you that if you follow my story, there will be a lot of going back and forth from yesteryear to the events of today? Good, I thought so!
So let me jump from that fateful morning when the phone rang and my life (along with many other lives as well) changed forever, to when the new chapter in my life started, Tuesday, May 26th, the day after Memorial Day. That’s when she hit with the news – “I want a divorce”. Okay fine, we weren’t exactly married in the eyes of the law, but after 9 years together, 8 of which were living under the same roof, and 7 as an “engaged couple”, we might as well been married. And besides, I was the longest relationship, including her marriages, that she had ever been in. We split all the bills, the groceries, all the new furniture, the new pool and deck, the remodeling of our house (yes I said “our house”, because she always made sure that anytime I said “her house”, she would quickly correct me with “no, our house”). Now not everything did we go ‘halfsies’ on, she paid so many of the bills that I never saw I’m sure, property insurance & taxes, utilities in her name, Home Depot runs, etc, etc. But to compensate for that, I paid her a minimum of $500 monthly with what I called “rent”, along with the aforementioned bills, and I normally always paid for our meals and drinks when we went out, as well as the $5,000 Gravely mower, the $2,000 gas fireplace, big-screen televisions, both of the dogs, along with all our new master bedroom furniture. I say all this, because truthfully, after some of what she told me about about being taken advantage of financially in her previous marriages, I always wanted to make sure that our relationship was financially fair for her. And also to show her how much she meant to my life. So yea looking back, pretty much a married couple. I hope none of what I just said sounds bitter of me to bring up, because truly I’m not. But just wanting to state the facts . Yea, okay fine, maybe a little bitter at one time?
So on that Tuesday afternoon, she sat me down and basically said that she’s no longer happy, she’s no longer in love with me, hasn’t been in a long time, and that she’s been hurt since that fateful day when that phone rang, and the aftermath that followed. She explained that she felt let down and hurt that I wasn’t there emotionally enough for her, and she has been sitting on these feelings for nearly 2 years hoping the pain would go away. But now has decided she needed to start her life over, fresh, her own new chapter to begin, which didn’t include me. Of course I didn’t understand, how could I? Had I lost a child of my own, I know I wouldn’t have been as strong as her those past 2 years. All I could do (like I really had a choice?), was try and say the right words to her, that I will always love her, and I want nothing more in life than for her to find her happiness again, and that I would move on like she wished if that meant for her to be happy again.
Was I totally blindsided by this?, no not exactly. I had known things were different, and had been for quite some time. What was once the most passionate love affair that had ever existed in the beginning (at least in my mind), was now regulated to a once a week quickie that was usually started on a weekend morning with a text from her from our bedroom that simply said “?”. There were no more passionate kisses, no more cuddling on the couch, no more phone calls that ended with “love you” from her. So in many ways, I knew before I knew. So I had 2 weeks to find a new place to live, and to pack all my things up. Which was more than enough time to do really, since I left her with everything but my clothes and the bed that I had come into the relationship with. Everything that I did have at one time, I had given away, ironically to other members of her family. She had already moved on emotionally, now it was time for me to. And on a Saturday morning, Father’s Day weekend, we went our separate ways.
On the next blog, I try to find my new happiness in this new life of mine as well, in the middle of a fucking pandemic no less. Seriously, what could go possibly go wrong?