“As I walk this land of broken dreams, I have visions of many things. But happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion. What becomes of the broken-hearted, who had love that’s now departed? I know I’ve got to find, some kind of peace of mind.” You know, actually I’ve always liked that song, just never thought I’d have to live it, especially in my late 50’s. But we’ve all been there of course, maybe some of us have gone thru it several times in our lives? I truly can not remember the very first time that I had my heart broken?, but I know it happened. It might have been when I got the dreaded “Dear John” letter from my girlfriend back home when I was stationed in Anchorage, Alaska back in 1984? But honestly, even before that, I’m sure there were several times in my youth that I was broken-hearted, and some of that may not have even been about a girl? Case in point, the Razorbacks broke my heart way too many times to count over the years. The damn Buffalo Bills lost 4 consecutive Super Bowls. And don’t even get me started on the Stoerner fumble against Tennessee in 1998. But even after all of that heartbreak, I was able to bounce back, shake it off, and realize the sun would come up tomorrow. So how do I do that now?, after being dumped, fed to the lions, naked and afraid in the wilderness? Okay, maybe it wasn’t quite like that, but dammit that’s how I felt!
“Simple”, said my oldest daughter, “we’ve got to get you an online profile so you can put it up on a dating site and get back out there.” Yea okay, I knew she was probably right, but who is going to want a guy that’s closer to 60 than 50, with a thinning hairline, around 15 pounds overweight, and living in a one bedroom, one bathroom apartment? (yea, yea I know, I’ve already harped on that on an earlier page right?). Truthfully, I probably would have asked my friend out who had recently rescued me from my own personal abyss with that facebook message on Father’s Day morning (she was single now, still attractive, and besides I knew her already and we get along great). However she was having to go thru her own personal ordeal in this godforsaken covid year of 2020. She had recently been diagnosed with MS, her immunity system was stretched to the limits, and she was having a hard enough time trying to safely socially distance at home from her own daughter, who was a senior in high school. She didn’t need me to add any more of a burden on her. So I did what I was told, and gave Match.com a shot, what the hell right? Created my little profile, threw what I thought was the most redeeming photos of myself on there, and hit ‘submit’. My God, I had no idea!!!!, there were hundreds of eligible females in the central Arkansas area on there, wanting to find their knight in shining armor, waiting to be whisked away to the land of their ‘happily ever after’.
Just one problem, and I say this as eloquently as I possibly can, so let me just put it into the nicest southern term possible – “bless their hearts”. I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship with someone that I considered to be beautiful, attractive, you know, a real looker. Unfortunately online dating sites are filled with just the opposite. And yes, I know, this harsh opinion is coming from that same guy “that’s closer to 60 than 50, with a thinning hairline, around 15 pounds overweight, and living in a one bedroom, one bathroom apartment” that I had just described a bit earlier on this same page. But pressed on I must, because I would do anything to get out of my apartment any chance I could. And yes I did go out on many ‘one and done’ dates (and no, that’s not the same thing as one night stands, because that didn’t happen). But if there’s no connection, no chemistry, and no attraction, why would you do it again right? But let me say this, they were all very nice ladies, and each of them with an interesting story to tell of how they got where they are now – single and still looking at our advancing age. And like I said, it got me out the apartment, so no regrets at all on any of the dates that I chose to go on, it was actually what I needed at the moment.
Fortunately for me however, not all my dates starting that late July were a ‘one and done’. In fact, over the next 6 months, there were 3 women who I went out on multiple dates with. Each of them very different in their own unique way, each one of them beautiful, intelligent, all with great careers of their own, and each one of them I enjoyed dating and spending time with very much. So much so that I always looked forward to the next time that I would see them. Now don’t get confused here, they weren’t all being courted by me at the same time. Yep, leave it me to fuck things up with each one of them individually, in my own stupid way. By either dating the first one probably way too soon after my break-up (in fact she even said “you’re still in love with a ghost from your past”). Or with the next one, trying to show her that I was such a nice guy, that I would bring her presents when we saw each other (I don’t know what made me think that normal guys really did that?). And so it understandably freaked her out some I’m sure, besides she was recently divorced as well and still trying to figure out what her next move in life was to be. Or even with the most recent one? Well, actually I haven’t really figured out just how I fucked up with the last woman that I was dating, though I think maybe I was getting scared that it was going too fast?, and I wasn’t quite comfortable for that dreaded “R” word (relationship) with her? But amazingly, and despite all my shortcomings and failures when it came to the world of dating, I am still good friends with each one of these beautiful ladies. I hear from all 3 almost on a daily basis by text, and honestly, I love that. Even if I’m not the guy of their dreams, the man that they can see spending the rest of their lives with, I still cherish their friendship above anything else. So what becomes of the broken-hearted you ask? Well, he’s surrounded by all the new friends in his life. And I’m thankful for each and every one of them!