“If ever you’ve got rain in your heart, someone has hurt you and torn you apart. Am I unwise to open up your eyes to love me? And let it be like they said it would be, me loving you girl and you loving me. Run to me whenever you’re lonely, run to me if you need a shoulder. Now and then you need someone older, so run to me”. Yes, another one of those very much underappreciated classic songs, which The Bee Gees have many. I was actually listening to this one earlier today (yea, I’m now into really listening to song lyrics more intently these days and how they might tie into my very own personal life), and this song got me to thinking, which is always dangerous I know (guy with a blog, everyone back away). After closing in on 9 months of my new life, I think I’ve come to a realization? Right or wrong, here’s my thoughts…at our age (and I say “our age” because I assume anyone who has found this blog on the web and still reading it has got be in their 40’s or 50’s, most likely single and searching such as myself) most everyone has been damaged in some way or another. Whether that’s emotionally, physically or just maybe feels like the world has continued to beat them down? And maybe have questioned themselves on how do they continue in their own life’s journey to find happiness and fulfillment with someone, and not just throw their hands up and completely surrender?
If you’re looking for an answer, sorry to disappoint you but I don’t have one. Thoughts? – Yes! Opinions? – Sure! But answers? – Sadly no, not even a clue! But what I do know is unless you really are ready to just give up and waive that white flag, we have to admit that we’re all damaged goods in some way, tortured souls even, you know much like one of those many unclaimed odd presents on the island of misfit toys from ‘Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer’ (btw, I’m the cowboy who rides an ostrich). I’m not proud to share this out loud, but yea I’ve caused unforgivable damage in my prior relationships. Whether that’s infidelity in my marriage, or being emotionally unavailable when someone needed me the most in her life (and I’m sure there’s many other examples that either one of these women would gladly let you know about). So I’ve failed many times when instead I should have led, when I should have been a comfort instead of missing in action, when I should have been a role model for my daughters instead of a cautionary tale. I look back at it all now with so much disappointment in myself because of all the pain that I’ve caused others throughout my life, that sometimes I wonder why am I still around? By all appearances I’m toxic, women should probably run from me, and not to me – and for the hills as fast as you can!
But honestly I do want to be a better man, I truly believe that I am capable of it. God if that’s not the case, then again, why am I still around?, what’s the purpose in it all? In these past almost 9 months, I’ve had the privilege of meeting and connecting with other fractured souls such as myself. With unique experiences that they all went thru individually, all different from each other, with their own stories of survival to tell, but still struggling today from what they all had to go thru. But truthfully, which one of us hasn’t had to survive something so hurtful, that you have to question is it all worth it? Wouldn’t it be better to just give up and live alone for the rest of your life, to a place where there would be no more hurt or pain?, to your very own island of misfit toys? I know, sounds tempting right? What I do know is that I would love to be an example of a man who can be depended on, who can offer a shoulder to lean on, and who can be there to hopefully ease the pain somewhat. I hope that I’ve learned from my own past mistakes by now, I suppose we shall see at some point? But just because we might all be damaged goods at this point in our lives, that doesn’t mean our journey is over. As they say in math, two negatives does equal a positive.
So if ever you’ve got rain in your heart and someone has hurt you and torn you apart, run to me. Because I’ve been there myself, hell I’ve even caused it unfortunately at times. However, after reading all this, I wouldn’t blame you if you did choose to run for those hills?