“Now the owner of the bar is a friend of mine, he gets me my drinks for free. And he’s quick with a joke or to light up your smoke, but there’s somewhere else that he’d rather be. He says I believe this place is killing me as the smile ran away from his face. He can’t wait to be retired, just as soon as he gets out of this place. And the television is showing politics, as the bartender slowly gets stoned. Yes, we’re all sharing a drink called loneliness, but it’s better than drinking alone.” First let me begin this with my apologies to Billy Joel, because yes I did have to tweak the lyrics to this classic masterpiece of his to make it fit into my own life (which all of this is true except for the “lighting up my smoke” part). Simply put, liquor has been my best friend for the past 9+ months. From beer, to wine, and now to peanut butter flavored whiskey. And all of it has helped … tremendously at times. To get past the pain of being dumped, and also to help me look forward instead of backwards. And yes truthfully, it also even helps to pass the time of day. And after all this time, I’m realizing that perhaps I’m at a place in my life that maybe I need to just wipe the slate clean and start all over? (yep, yet again, I know, I know). This self-journey of mine to find the next love of my life as quickly as possible is just not going as well as I had hoped. I’ve either had strong feelings for someone who for no fault of her own, doesn’t feel the same way about me (or as we like to call us “the frouple”). Or maybe someone else has had those same exact strong feelings for me, and for some unknown reason I’m unable to mutually reciprocate those emotions back to her. So it’s not as easy as I had hoped, and looking back I don’t why I even thought it would be that easy? So, as they like to say, back to the ol’ drawing board I suppose?
And this time, I need to take it much slower, with no expectations. That shit cannot be rushed, I’ve finally learned that lesson the hard way. And no I’m not naive, actually I’m somewhat on the bright side if I’m being completely honest with you (and saying that now, apparently I’m not that humble either?). Yes my hair is disappearing way too rapidly, and I’m looking older every day (wait, maybe that’s because of all this liquor I’m drinking?), and perhaps, I just don’t have that much desired ‘game’ for the ladies anymore? Jokes I got plenty of, but ‘game’, well it may have passed me by? I really do wish the women that I’ve met over the past nearly nine months, have become good close friends with, have shared great memories with, and yes also been intimate along with downing many of those loaded cocktails with (no pun intended), nothing but the absolute very best, I truly do. And I wish them all well on their own personal journeys, as they attempt to find their ultimate happiness, and that feeling of longing for another human being, the kind that you want to spend every waking moment next to. And of course to find that desire, passion and lust that one looks for in a life partner. Everyone deserves that right?, well maybe not those bullies of mine that tormented me in high school that I mentioned on my previous blog?, but everyone else. My ex has that in her life now I hope (even though I may not want to picture it?), so why shouldn’t most everybody find it too? Life is short, and it’s so much better when you’re sharing it with someone that you’re totally, head over heels, deep down in your soul in love with. I know my time’s coming, I’m sure of it, I just have to be patient and wait for it and not rush it anymore.
But in the meantime until I do find it again, I have a request to the owner of the bar that’s a friend of mine – you have my blessing to continue to get my drinks for free.