“Every time that I look in the mirror, all these lines on my face getting clearer. The past is gone, it went by like dusk to dawn. Isn’t that the way?, everybody’s got their dues in life to pay. Half my life’s in books’ written pages, live and learn from fools and from sages. You know it’s true, all the things come back to you. Sing with me, sing for the year. Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear. Sing with me if it’s just for today. Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away.” Never thought that I would quote an Aerosmith song on this blog of mine about aging, love, heartbreak, and the rebound of it all as I continue to struggle at times to pick up the pieces of a once happy life, but yet here I am quoting their lyrics. And what is it about this song that resonates in my own life? Simple really…the past is gone, and in many ways looking back, it did go by like dusk to dawn. Though actually much more than half my life is now in books’ written pages (I mean unless of course I live to be 116?) And also looking back at it all, maybe all the things do come back to you – the good and the bad? The noble deeds along with the unforgivable mistakes.
And boy if that’s the case, I’m in deep shit! Because I have made so many of those mistakes in my life (especially back in my youth), not even caring what the consequences may eventually bring. Sure I think I’m a pretty good guy now, but obviously age and wisdom has a huge part in that. Where we start thinking of others before our very own needs and wants. And we realize too that time is indeed getting short? So if there is a ‘big man upstairs’ (and let’s hope there is right?), perhaps he’s looking down and thinking “you know what?, sure he might have made a lot of mistakes early in life, but he learned from them and look at him now, heeeee’s not a bad guy after all? Come on up Jimmy, I saved you a seat next to your sister and Robin Williams”. And while my view on all these serious looks on life I suppose is somewhat frivolous, I also know that I don’t have all the answers on what exactly does await me on that day that I do draw my final breath. My theory has always been…that’s why ones’ religious views (whatever they may be?) are based on faith and belief, but not necessarily fact. And while I do appreciate anyone who is deeply religious and knows without any shadow of a doubt that there is a heaven and all the loved ones that are waiting for you there, my answer to all that is still “God I sure hope you’re right”? (no pun intended). And as far as my atheist friends go that also know that it’s a sure thing that there is no afterlife and no God, my thoughts are basically the same – that while that may be your opinion, it doesn’t make it a fact either. But I do understand in some ways where they’re coming from too, with all the bad in the world and the misery and pain that so many have had to struggle thru since, well, basically the dawn of time.
So yea, I know that makes me mainly agnostic and you’re probably thinking “will you make up your damn mind and pick a side already?” Sure I could pick one, but what if the conclusion I come to is wrong? I definitely wouldn’t want to side with the atheists and then find out later “oh, oh, that was not a good call to make”. And while the easy way out might be to go with the side of faith and religion (again, no matter what the affiliation might be?), I also don’t want to use the Lord as an insurance policy either. So in the meantime I’ll just sit here, muddle thru what does remain of my life and hope for the best as I cherish my daughters and my soon to be born grandson (we’re less than two weeks out now btw). And of course still chase that dream of hopefully finding another woman to fall in love with, and maybe have her love me back too? (that’s sorta important ya know). And the time that I do have left, just continue to live and learn from all those fools and sages. And maybe all the good things that I have done will come back to me? So sing for the laughter and sing for the tear. Sing with me if it’s just for today. Because tomorrow the good Lord could take you away?