“When everything is wrong I’ll come talk to you, you make things alright when I’m feeling blue. You are such a blessing and I won’t be messing with the one thing that brings light to all of my darkness. You are my best friend and I love you, there is no other one that can take your place. I feel happy inside when I see your face, I hope you believe me. Because I speak sincerely and I mean it when I tell you I need you. You are my best friend and I love you.” You know, believe it or not after reading many of my blogs, I do consider myself to be a lucky guy. For many reasons really, such as my good health that I now have after a cancer scare 4 years ago. A great career that more than pays the bills. Some money in the bank, and of course being the father of two beautiful daughters and an even handsomer newborn grandson. And also it goes without saying, a tight circle of some very good friends, including someone that I now consider to be my very best friend in this stage of my life.
And the ironic thing is that we’ve only known each other for the past 9 or 10 months, and had I not had my life turned upside down unexpectedly over a year ago, we would have never met otherwise. So definitely she was was one of the best things that happened to me on this journey of mine, perhaps indeed the best thing? I love the fact that we can talk freely and openly about each of our lives, and our children’s lives, along with all the mistakes that we may have made in the past, the views we have on the world today, our sexual history, and of course the uncertainty of our own futures. And yes, ironically the similar things that did happen to both of us that led us to where we are today (and how we were able to turn that dark into light, that bad into good). And we can do all this and not judge the other for it, because we both get it. And all this now too with no expectations, or any thoughts of “is this time together going to go any further than a hug and kiss on the cheek?”. Because it usually doesn’t, it hasn’t for awhile and we know it probably ain’t. And I’m good with that, seriously I’m okay with it now (stop laughing, really I am), because I understand, I totally get it. Maybe it’s because I’ve finally realized after all this time that I far more enjoy the special connection of our deep friendship and the words that we share more than any thoughts of a possible relationship, romance or sex? And sure while we have shared sex in the past, there is something about having that dear and close friendship, the trust and knowing that someone will always have your back, that is even more special than sex or passion. And as I rapidly approach my 60’s, just how many more years do I have in me that sex is going to be that impotent, I mean important anyways? So all that in saying that yea, in many ways her friendship really is even more endearing and more meaningful, than the rituals of endless dating to only find out in the end that perhaps one of us will come to the conclusion of “meh, not for me” or “whatever, this is fine till someone better comes along”? And that way too, we get to escape the possible hurt that neither one of us wants anytime soon again? And okay fine, you got me, it was her choice to just be friends after all this time together. But hey, I might be a slow learner, but I do eventually learn. And I’m totally on board with it now. Even if I did go kicking and screaming like a toddler about it at first?
And as far as the dating life goes, I know she has options, hell she’s even told me about them (which while that may sound weird, we’ve always been very open about our lives). And likewise, I too have options of course. Maybe not as abundant as she may have, but c’mon don’t we all have options in life at our age (or really at any age) when we’re single or not in a committed relationship? And while there is someone that has expressed interest in me if things were different (yea, I don’t get it either?), someone that I’ve known for a dozen years or so, she’s not exactly at a point in her life to pursue anything romantically with me or anyone else right now. And I’ve been there where she is, so hopefully any words of wisdom that I have given her has helped somewhat? As they like to say, “paying it forward”. But for now (or maybe forever?), she is yet another friend for me to talk to, and of course I’ll be there for her if she needs anything. And there’s even someone that I used to date this past year, who will still text or call me at random times, just wanting to say that she misses me, and well, she misses other things too. But I’m not going to go there again, because why hurt her like that?, there’s no point. But she is someone that I still consider another good friend in my life. And as the saying goes, can’t have enough friends right?
All this to say, yea I am a very lucky man. And while it’s true that my “dating” life hasn’t exactly been a smooth road this past year, I actually feel like the new friends that I’ve met along the way have been even more important to me than finding love again (at least for the time being?, because I really do want to fall in love again). And so no matter what life does have in store for me and my best friend, I can totally see the two of us still sitting across the bar table from each other years from now downing a bottle of wine, going into detail about any possible significant others that we might have in our lives at that present moment in time, and as always, of course talk about our children too. And you know what?, fuck I love that about her (and maybe she feels that same way about me too?)! Because we all need that special someone in our lives that we can totally relate to, and to trust, and to not pass judgement on. And all that without the pressure of sex. So I speak sincerely and I mean it when I tell her that I need her. She is my best friend and I love her for that.