When you ain’t got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You’re invisible now, you got no secrets to conceal. How does it feel to be on your own? With no direction home, like a complete unknown. Like a rolling stone. This week has been a tough one, dealing with loss of life from across the ocean, to our country, and even in my small circle of the world. First Rolling Stone drummer Charlie Watts passed away at the age of 80. So while not entirely a shocker, it still represents a piece of my own youth that is now no more. And also a not so friendly reminder that my own mortality is quickly drawing to an inevitable end at some point down the road. Also our country lost the lives of at least 12 servicemen (possibly more) in Kabul, Afghanistan this week, who died heroically while trying to help immigrants that they did not know. Immigrants who were willing to leave everything and everyone they knew behind, to start a better and safer life for themselves. And even here closer to home, a high school senior lost her life along with the bright future that still lay ahead of her, because of drugs. And finally, while maybe on a much smaller scale, but still heartbreaking I know, my best friend lost her 12-year old dog to cancer. And while the death of a dog may not compare to rock icons, our young men in the military, or a beautiful young girl, he was still loved and cherished by his owner. And is missed terribly by her and others.
I think about all this tragedy, along with other parts of my life many times, pondering at times what goals, dreams, and purpose is still left for me before I take my last breath on this earth? I’ve been incredibly happy at times, been deeply in love, and have been more fortunate throughout my life than I really deserve. And on the flipside, I’ve also experienced great loss, sadness, illness, depression, and uncertainty as well. All of which I like to call “experience”, because if it wasn’t for the bad times, how could we truly appreciate the good times? So if this long journey of mine ended tomorrow, I would just look back at it all, and think my god what a great run I had. And what a privilege it was to meet and surround myself with such amazing, warm, and loving people at my side. Some who have already perished many years ago, such as my own sister who died so young before she too had a chance to experience this thing called life. I think about her more and more as the years roll by, and often wonder why her and not me? I have no doubt that she could have done so much more, and touched many more lives than I have.
So here I am, the same clueless 58-year old man that’s been writing down all his random thoughts, unrealistic dreams, and clueless banter this past year on this little blog of mine. However nothing has really changed for me in the way of hopefully finding love again. Real love, the kind that pulls your heart out, shows it to you, then rams it back into your chest when you’re least expecting it (yea I don’t know what that means either, it just sounded good in my head?). At least it hasn’t happened for me yet, however there’s always tomorrow right? Oh yea, that promise of tomorrow that we all hope for. So I will keep hoping for it as well. And maybe it will be someone that I’ve recently met? Or someone that I’ve known for years but never realized there was more to it than just a friendship? Or maybe it’s that same best friend who just lost her dog? Or hey, what if it’s someone that I haven’t even met yet, who is just waiting to find that love herself? I don’t have the answers obviously, so I will just wait for that day when it does happen for me again…if it ever does. Like the song goes, when you ain’t got nothing, you got nothing to lose right?, and I have no secrets to conceal. So right now, today, right this minute, I’m on my own. With no direction home, like a complete unknown. Like a rolling stone.