“Down by the riverside, bound to be a better ride than what you’ve got planned. Carry your cup in your hand and look around you. Leaves are brown now, and the sky is a hazy shade of winter. Hang on to your hopes my friend, that’s an easy thing to say. But if your hopes should pass away, simply pretend that you can build them again. Look around, the grass is high, the fields are ripe, it’s the springtime of my life. Seasons change with the scenery, weaving time in a tapestry.” So the weather today definitely presented itself as a hazy shade of winter (which of course made me think of this song). In fact one hazy morning earlier this week, I woke up in my own little place down by the riverside and noticed outside the balcony window that a large sized barge had somehow lost its way and was for whatever reason, floating sideways against the current (definitely not the better ride that they had planned I’m sure?). And against the backdrop of such a dreary morning, I could relate my own life to that same misguided barge. Trying its very best to stay on the correct path and get to whatever destination the goal was for it? But try as it might, nature had other plans and took it sideways. And most likely will be placing even more obstacles in its way, before it arrives at its final destination I’m sure. And that’s when it occurred to me – hell that’s me, I’m the barge. Because I also at times have lost my way and gone sideways. So maybe nature is telling me the same thing? – which is “you want to get where you feel that you need to be?, then you’re gonna have to earn it“!
And most of the time I’m okay with this. I mean if I’ve learned anything about life in these past almost three years is that it sure ain’t easy, and you’re not going to get everything out of it that you desire. Or maybe to put it more bluntly, who you desire. Such as wanting someone who doesn’t want you? Or maybe being so unsure about your feelings and intentions for someone, that they finally decide to walk away (and then get engaged less than a year later)? Or in the latest case of my life’s obstacles….with my oldest daughter announcing that she’s found a house in Fayetteville that she’s looking at this weekend, and if all goes well, she’ll be moving there this spring. I know it’s only 150 miles away, and of course now I’ll have a place to stay when I go to the games up there, but we’ve literally been there for each other these past few years. Helping to hold the other up at times thru the highs and lows of life as we each searched for happiness again. And sharing all the stories, of all the people that are in each of our lives. She’s met all the important people in my life (both old and new), and she’s become friends with all of them too. And I’ve met, maybe if not all then most, of her important people too. I think the kids call it, my “ride or die” right? And fortunately, because of her job working from home she can live practically anywhere in the country (and she has). Also I know she’s been ready for a change in life, along with a change in location for some time. So I’m happy for her, I really am. And even though we really only see each other maybe once a week on average, I’m gonna miss the hell out of her. And the even more good news in all of this, is that next fall my other daughter and her family will also moving from San Diego to that same area 150 miles away. So hopefully, maybe these two loves of my life will be able to reconnect somewhat, work on their building their own relationship, and eventually become more closer as sisters should be? But for me, my world will become just a little more lonelier that day when she does leave. So yea, yet another obstacle in life to overcome I suppose?
But just like that wayward barge that eventually set itself free, I will have to remember that when some of life’s obstacles do almost get me grounded (and they will), to not stop struggling, to keep fighting to continue my journey and build those hopes up again, to wherever it may lead. Because it will happen for me….at some point, and perhaps when I least expect it? So while those skies are a hazy shade of winter still, I know that seasons do change with the scenery. And the grass will once again be high, and the fields ripe. Not sure it will ever be the springtime of my life again?, but I’m still going to appreciate it when it does happen.
I think you are a lovely person stuck in the past and neglecting the present and future. You are resistant to change. We have all been there and some of us see it for what it is and move on. For example, how many people have you rejected and forgotten? Can you pitch but not catch?
Wow Carol, you definitely keep it real. While I was writing this, I thought it was somewhat of a tribute to my oldest daughter, and my thoughts about her moving away. But yea, I get that you might have thought otherwise. And you’re right about maybe having rejected people in my past. I’d like not to think about that, but we’ve all done it. So how did you across my blog btw?, and do you have one that I can read?