“Yesterday when I was young, the taste of life was sweet as rain upon my tongue. I teased at life as if it were a foolish game, the way the evening breeze may tease a candle flame. The thousand dreams I dreamed, the splendid things I planned, I always built to last on weak and shifting sand. I lived by night and shunned the naked light of the day, and only now I see how the years ran away.” And how those years did run away. Seriously, it does seem like just yesterday when I was young, in my bedroom, lights out, laying back on my bean bag with the headphones on, listening to either ‘Blinded by the Light’, ‘Hold the Line’, ‘Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad’, ‘Surrender’, ‘More Than A Woman’, etc, etc, etc. (yep, we’re definitely in a late 70’s time warp here). My life still in front of me, challenges to still be met, children to still be born, careers to still be made and all my dreams still to be fulfilled. What could possibly go wrong am I right?
Well it started to go wrong for me in the late 70’s, when I lost my virginity. Now don’t get me wrong, the story behind it might sound like one of those “Penthouse Forum Letters” (remember those?, no?, damn I’m old). At that time, I was a clueless, 16 year old boy (not to be confused with the present day clueless almost 58 year old man), who somehow lucked into being seduced by a 30-year old beautiful red-haired woman, a “Mrs. Robinson” if you will? Did I try to fight off her advances you ask? – please, you know better than to ask that. Yes of course I went along willingly, ignorantly and absolutely, positively, without question, with no idea what I was doing. All I can remember from that late, hot August night in 1979, the night that I officially became “a man”, was the television show ‘Vegas’ was on in the background. So here I am, in the dark, foolishly feeling around body parts that I had never touched before (hers, not mine), and yet somewhat distracted at the same time by what thug Dan Tanna was chasing down in the alley.
I say all this because, that eye-opening experience into adulthood may have ruined me and my views on sex? For some reason, I started to perceive myself to be some kind of gigolo, a ladies man, a catch if you will?, despite what the mirror on my wall was obviously trying to tell me otherwise. So to quote the song ‘My Way’ – “regrets, yea I’ve had a few”, with this of course being one of them. Looking back, I would had much rather lost my virginity to someone much closer to my own age, perhaps someone that I actually had feelings for, maybe even loved? If things would have been different, perhaps sex would have been more special in my life later on thru the years? You know, what’s it’s actually supposed to be about – a way of showing true love, desire and appreciation to my one partner in life. Not because it’s a challenge, or a chase, or something for me to possibly conquer. Or as it’s thought of in your youth as the most important thing in life. Yes, instead of chasing ass all those years since that fateful night, I should have been focused more on chasing love. Actual, real, nothing matters more to me in my life, can’t get her off of my mind, true, deep in the souls of your heart, kind of love.
How I wish I could go back in time now, shake some sense into that young 16 year old boy, and make him realize that life is fleeting. And that the choices he was making then, might actually have consequences later on throughout his adult life. Perhaps if I would have taken the older me’s advice then, maybe all of my dreams could have been fulfilled? However, sadly looking back, only now I do see how the years have indeed run away!