“When I was young, I never needed anyone. And making love was just for fun, those days are gone. Living alone, I think of all the friends I’ve known. But when I dial the telephone, nobody’s home. Hard to be sure, sometimes I feel so insecure. And love so distant and obscure, remains the cure. All by myself, don’t want to be all my myself anymore”. So as I look towards the future, there is just one question that comes to mind – what exactly is my future?, and will I always be alone? I’m not getting any younger, as my mirror will attest every time that I look into it. And I know I’m still living a fortunate life, because I’m surrounded by the love of some great friends (lifetime and new), several dear co-workers and of course my two beautiful daughters. But after the past nearly 9 months, coming home to an empty apartment every night still sucks, I’m not built for that. I know some people are, but not me. Is it better now than it was when this new life of mine first started back in June?, yes, absolutely it is, there’s no comparison. In a way, I’m starting to get used to it, but it’s not a life that I desire until I take my last breath on this earth. I want to share my life with someone, I suppose maybe it’s in my DNA to feel that way?
But what is it that I exactly have to offer someone from the fairer sex you ask? Good question! Yea I’m somewhat funny I suppose, and I can make women laugh, at least that’s what I’ve always been told. I’m not the most hideous-looking guy out there, but I am only 5’9 and lugging around an extra 15 pounds that I should really think about shedding. And don’t even get me started on my rapidly thinning hairline (damn you mirror, and where’s my ballcap?). And financially I’m fine, storing away as much cash as possible for my impending retirement like a squirrel does with storing nuts before the winter. There’s other things that I’m blessed with as well, but hey, there might be kids on here! So back to the question – why am I still alone?, what’s wrong with me? In all seriousness, maybe nothing is wrong with me? Like I’ve said earlier, I’ve dated frequently since my life changed overnight back in late May (oh, so I’ve already told you about that huh?). My own non-scientific unproven conclusion (and believe me, this conclusion of mine could be 100% wrong, so take it with a grain of salt), is everyone is afraid of getting hurt again. If so, I get it, I really do. Whether they’ve been thru any kind of emotional abuse, physical abuse, or just betrayal, it’s tough to let your guard back down, to open up your chest cavity, pull your heart out, and give it to someone again. That or maybe they’re just attracted to bad boys? And if that’s the case, then I really need to make some changes in my personality. And yea, a lot of this maybe coming across as my very own insecurities that I need to deal with. Because I am a flawed human being, no denying that right? I sometimes say inappropriate things, saying something before thinking it might come across the exact opposite of what I intended. But you know, I have faith she’s out there, maybe not today, next week, or even next year? But it’s gonna happen for me once again. Because what I desire is to share my life with someone, someone that I love, care for, and cherish. And because I don’t want to be all by myself anymore.