“You’re on the road but you’ve got no destination. You’re in the mud, in the maze of her imagination. You love this town even if that doesn’t ring true. You’ve been all over and it’s been all over you. It’s a beautiful day, don’t let it get away. It’s a beautiful day. Touch me, take me to that other place. Teach me, I know I’m not a hopeless case”. As I write all this, it really isn’t a beautiful day outside. Raining off and on, with storms all around us, and tornado watches throughout the south. So it’s pretty much like the past 9+ months of my life – a dark horizon with glimmers of sunshine (aka, hope). And like the lyrics to this song says, while I am on the road, I have no destination in mind…yet. So basically in the proverbial mud, and maybe I am a hopeless case? What exactly is it that I want out of my life?, at this late stage of it? Because right now, my life is definitely not what I had planned. But whatever my new goals and dreams may be, I would like to think they’re reachable. Of course I want to find love again, even if it’s inevitable that I get hurt yet again – it’s worth it!!!, to me at least. I do still love this town that I live in and have for most of my life, and this job of mine too, along with my close circle of friends. So would I really leave it all behind to chase another dream, in another city, in another state? The simple answer to that is yes, I think I would. I have enough cash on hand to survive at least another three years or so with no additional income coming in. But then all my savings for retirement would be trashed (so I really don’t want to do that). But I want to still chase something – a new career?, a woman?, or even a dream perhaps that’s still unfulfilled?
The women I have met in this new life of mine are all great (as I’ve said before on previous pages). But with the exception of one, they’re not in love with me or can’t vision their life without me. They’re also going thru their own journeys as I am, to hopefully discover what still lies ahead for each of them. And the one that has professed her love for me, I’m just unable at this time to say “yea, me too”. I mean sure, guess I could say that, but it wouldn’t be the truth. And she deserves that honesty, even if it’s not what she wants to hear. So nothing is really holding me here other than maybe my oldest daughter?, but truthfully she’s not either. In fact, she could sell her house tomorrow and move back to New York, Chicago or anywhere else of her choosing. So in the meantime, I suppose I will ride this out for the time being and see what happens next? Sometimes your life can change instantly, on a dime, and I’m a prime example of that. What you think life is today, doesn’t mean shit tomorrow. Bottom line is I just want to be happy again, in love again. And not have to keep searching anymore. What I once had, is gone. I get that, took me awhile yes, but I get it now. However like a junkie who’s addicted to their next fix, I too want it again – badly. I know it’s a big world out there, yes outside of Little Rock or even this state. So somewhere surely out in that big ol’ world, there’s somebody who could perhaps fall in love with a funny, sarcastic, clever, somewhat intelligent, and yes I know, I know, a slightly balding guy who could perhaps lose a few pounds? But a really good guy, who would do anything to make the woman in his life happy. I’ve done it before, why not again right? So I’m ready for life to take me to that other place, wherever it may be. With no destination, just only my imagination.