“What has happened to it all?, crazy some would say. Where is the life that I recognize?, gone away. But I won’t cry for yesterday, there’s an ordinary world. Somehow I have to find, and as I try to make my way. To the ordinary world, I will learn to survive.” So as I continue to try and navigate this new ordinary world of mine, I’m still stumbling, but at times still learning too (yes you might say at times “the hard way”). I do know it’s time to push my feelings aside for one person in particular, a very good friend that I still feel very fortunate to have come across in this new, ordinary world of mine. Any feelings that she does have for me aren’t more than me just being in her close tight circle of friends, which I do feel very fortunate to be included in. So no matter how many times we may meet up for dinner or drinks, or just to catch up on all the latest with our lives, our children, our jobs, it’s not happening and I finally realize that now. But dammit I was stubborn about it, hell I gave it my best shot (since our first date back in September). I did everything I could to show her that I’m a good guy, someone that she could eventually maybe have deep feelings for? I never pushed it however, because we always enjoyed each other’s company, and obviously I didn’t want to fuck that up. And also she already knows how I feel about her, but her feelings unfortunately for me aren’t mutual. So it’s time I bow out somewhat gracefully (if it’s not too late?), and wish her nothing but the best in her own personal journey to find love again (which I truly do). We’ll always be friends of course, just as she and I have always wanted. And there’s no doubt that she’s gonna make someone very happy when that connection with another human does finally happen for her. Which a paid psychic recently told her that she will fall in love again, but it will be with someone she hasn’t met yet. And if a fortune teller is against me, what chance do I have right? So que the “Elvis has left the building” announcement.
So what happens to me now you ask? Good question. Thankfully I’m in a much better place and frame of mind than I was back in the summer. I’m eager to move on and find love again as you know if you’ve read any of my blog. But I also know that I can’t rush it either, and obviously there’s worse things in life than having feelings for someone (aka, a crush, smitten with, hot for, etc.) and all that eventually comes of it in the end is a great friendship. I can’t change my looks, though I hear the cosmetic surgery business is booming right now? I suppose I could give Bosley a call & see if there’s any hope for my rapidly thinning hairline? And I also can’t do anything about my lack of height, however there’s worse things in the world than being only 5’9. But in the end, I am just two years away from turning 60, so might be a little late for all that anyways? And I’m also nine years away from retirement, so as long as my health holds out, traveling will be in my future when that day does finally happen. So I believe my money is probably better spent saving for that, than the other?
So if you’re out there, and somewhat appealing to the eye, not saying with “model looks” or rail thin (seriously, I’m not into the very thin look, just never looked healthy to me?), have a great sense of humor, loves to laugh, and enjoys a stimulating conversation from time to time, have your people call my people. In all seriousness, I have met some really great women in the past ten months, and have been lucky enough to connect emotionally with several of them that they’re now a part of my daily life (mostly thru text messages, but still). However I’m still in many ways alone, hoping for that “one” to finally enter my life once again. In the meantime, I’m still making my way in this ordinary world. Where I am learning to survive.