“Growing up you don’t see the writing on the wall. Passing by, moving straight ahead you knew it all. But maybe sometime if you feel the pain, you’ll find you’re all alone, everything has changed. Play the game, you know you can’t quit until it’s won. Soldier on, only you can do what must be done. You know in some ways you’re a lot like me. You’re just a prisoner, and you’re trying to break free. I can see a new horizon underneath the blazing sky. I’ll be where the eagle’s flying higher and higher, gonna be a man in motion.” If you don’t instantly recognize these lyrics, think the year 1985 and the ultimate ‘Brat Pack’ movie of the day. The plot was about seven best friends about to graduate college together, and not knowing what their futures would hold. I always related to this movie (okay fine, yes it was ‘St. Elmo’s Fire’), because I was also their same age that year. Though not in college, I was in the Air Force, living in a dormitory in Anchorage, Alaska. And had I stayed in college, I would likely be graduating in 1985 as well. And though I didn’t have the looks of a Rob Lowe, or never dated anyone quite as attractive as Demi Moore, I could totally be the Emilio Estevez character. He had his sights on an unattainable beautiful woman, and made his intentions crystal clear. However, she didn’t feel the same way (and besides, she already had someone else in her life). And also much like them, I had no idea what my future held. And in fact, just one year after this movie came out, I was married, living in Colorado Springs, and was an expectant father. So yea, not exactly my plan, but damn no regrets. Because I couldn’t imagine my life without either one of my two daughters now.
And I suppose in many ways, I’m still somewhat playing that Emilio Estevez character. Perhaps I’m still shooting for the stars by having my sights on unattainable beautiful women?, maybe I should lower my standards you think? And just saying that out loud, I feel like such an ass now. Because every woman that I have met in the past year, have all been very nice, attractive, and they all deserve someone better than me without a doubt. In fact, any man would be fortunate to have met and perhaps dated any one of them as well. But there’s only been two that have been special enough for me, that (well, to quote a line from another famous movie), “I can’t quit them”. And yes, those are two VERY DIFFERENT movies I know. One I dated right out of the shoot, I was still hurting then and looking back I probably didn’t have enough time to heal and completely fall out of love after my recent breakup just yet. So the timing was, well, it sucked. But fortunately we’ve remained good friends since then, staying in touch regularly by text, and we both wish nothing but the best for the other. And I don’t think I’m out of line by saying that we’re still very fond of each other. So at least I haven’t fucked that up, yet.
The other woman in this story of mine is also just as special to me. And like myself, she’s had to deal with a lot of hurt as well after the ending of her own marriage. We try and see each other as much as we can, but it’s not a (quote/unquote) “relationship”, as much as it is mainly just a special friendship at this point. And if that’s all it’s ever going to be, I still consider myself a lucky guy. Actually I’m already very lucky that both of these wonderful women came into my life this past year. And thinking about it, maybe we’re all alike in some ways? Like in the way that we each have had to feel that pain when we’re all alone, because everything had changed for us. So now we (along with many others out there around our age) have no choice but to play the game, and not quit until it’s won. And by “playing the game”, I mean of course to again hopefully find that one person that makes it all worthwhile. That makes you race home every day to, the person that puts a smile on your face just by thinking of them. And I hope all of us, and many more like us too, all find that love again. Because we’re all trying to break free of all that past hurt and pain. And be where the eagles are, flying higher and higher.