“He’s a real nowhere man, sitting in his nowhere land, making all his nowhere plans for nobody. Doesn’t have a point of view, knows not where he’s going to. Isn’t he a bit like you and me? Nowhere Man, please listen, you don’t know what you’re missing. Nowhere Man, the world is at your command. He’s as blind as he can be, just sees what he wants to see. Nowhere Man don’t worry, take your time don’t hurry. Leave it all till somebody else lends you a hand.” So, I haven’t blogged in over a week now (which is the longest stretch since I started doing this a few months back), so basically I suppose that I have been a type of “nowhere man”. Looking back, I started writing down all my deep thoughts and self-reflection on this blog of mine because it was a form of therapy to me. Self-help from everything I went thru over the past 11 months. But the absolute best therapy that I’ve experienced so far in this journey of mine is, well, it’s my trip to Key West that I just got back from. That’s right, I got the “hell out of dodge” last week, mainly because it was my birthday, but also it was something that I wanted to give myself as a present.
I still had an airline credit from a cancelled trip last spring because of Covid. So I used all that credit up, rented me a car at the Fort Lauderdale airport, and drove down to the Keys. The original plan was for this to be a solo adventure, though I did ask my oldest daughter if she wanted to come along since I had an extra bed (that, and she had the financial means to do it), but she politely declined. So hey, it was just me and I was still going to have a great time, drink and eat plenty, and maybe with some luck discover something about myself. But just when you think you have life figured out, and you’re ready to roll with it – BAM, something very unexpectedly happens. In this case, that something was the best birthday present that I could have asked for. Someone very special to me (and her friendship means everything) decided at the very last minute that I shouldn’t be alone on my birthday, and met me in the Keys for four days of fun and sun, and oh yea, plenty of that drinking and eating that I’ve already mentioned. Why did she choose to do that you ask?, seriously I don’t know myself? I’ve of course brought her up several times before in my blog. You remember her, the very good friend that I’ve tried very hard to push my feelings aside for (albeit unsuccessfully obviously) because I’ve always been under the impression that her feelings for me wasn’t quite on the same level as mine. Could I have been wrong all this time? Perhaps, but I’m not going to push it right now, because #1 – I don’t want to fuck up a very good thing with her. And too, I know if and when she does decide that maybe I am “that guy” for her (no matter what the fortune teller told her) and she does want a relationship, she’ll let me know. But what I do know right this very minute without a doubt, is that she helped me forget all the pain and all the struggles that I went thru this past year during our time together in the Keys. To the point, where the only thing that I did think about while on my trip was – where do we want to eat dinner at, and just how many pina coladas can one drink in the early afternoon?
So while I may still not know where I’m going to, or what I may be missing in my life, I believe this nowhere man’s world is truly at my command. Do I just see what I want to see? Maybe, but I’m no longer worrying about anything, and I’m taking my time and not hurrying. I’m sure whatever happens, will happen. There’s no amount of wishing and hoping that’s going to change anything. And one other thing, I so much appreciate that someone special did lend me a hand last week.