“Women seem to like me, they seem to like what I have to say. When they see me out in public, women seem to look my way. Women seem to treat me so gracious, they sing me to sleep with a song. But there always seems to be a problem, women don’t seem to like me long. Women seem to want me, to stay with them all night. We have so much in common, our futures really do seem bright. Women seem to forgive me, they seem to become my very good friends. But when it comes time for a commitment, the romance always seems to end”. What can I say?, I truly do love women (especially the ones that can make me laugh without really even trying). And to be honest, I think most women enjoy me being around because I can return the favor of making them laugh as well. That and the fact that I suppose that I’m relatively harmless and not intimidating in any way to them? But in this new world of mine as I rapidly approach my 60’s as a single man, I’m basically just as clueless about the fairer sex now as I was in my formative teen years. Still as unsure of myself as I was back then, and in many ways still searching for answers. Or even a damn clue!
Sure, I thought I had it all figured out until my heart was broken and shattered into a million little pieces a year ago tomorrow (not that I’m counting mind you), but yea the anniversary is upon me isn’t it? And to be honest, it’s really not as tragic as I once feared it might be. Maybe the combination of the passing of time, much alcohol, anti-depressant meds and being surrounded by a close circle of good friends (including women) has helped that somewhat? But I do still have to overcome those lonely nights at times, coming home to an empty apartment, no one to talk to, to laugh with, or to fall asleep next to. So naturally those are the dark moments that I’m still having to get thru, but they have become much fewer and far between thank god. And don’t get me wrong, I am in such a better place mentally and emotionally than I was last summer and into the early fall. And as far as the fairer sex goes, I get it, I really do. I mean as long as there’s not a mirror around, in my mind I’m still in my 30’s with a head full of hair and carrying around 25 less pounds. So absolutely I think I’m a “catch”, that is until I pass that damn mirror! In all honesty, of all the women that I’ve dated in the past year (and there’s been several), there’s only been one so far that I would ever possibly picture dropping down to one knee for at some point, much later down the road of course, not tomorrow by any means. And not necessarily “in love with”, but could totally envision sharing a life alongside with. But that feeling is not mutual, and that’s okay, like I said I get it. Maybe that’s why it never got close to the point of being in love, because we both have had something of an emotional wall up (we’ve both been hurt by others in the recent past, so definitely have that in common). That’s why her close friendship and being included in her universe now is what’s really most important to me. And I know one day she is eventually going to meet someone that will be her fit, her plus one, someone that she will want to be around with all the time, with all that magic and chemistry between two people that we all look for in life. Someone that will completely help knock that damn wall down. And I will be happy for her because she truly deserves that. Hell, we all do right? At least I think so.
So what’s next in my own personal journey as I continue to keep getting another day older and not knowing what the future ahead for me looks like? I really can’t answer that, though I know it’s not quite as dark as I sometimes paint it out to be. I’m moving to a bigger place overlooking the river next month, then road-tripping it across the country for the better part of July to meet my newborn grandson and spend time with my youngest daughter. Then shortly after that upon my return, the college football season rolls around. And the best part is…I’m sure I’ll still be surrounded by a close circle of good friends (including women). It’s not like I’m saying that I have my choice of options when it comes to women, because obviously I don’t. But for some reason they seem to like having me around? They seem to like what I have to say, and they seem to become my very good friends. Now if I can just convince one of them to stay?