“Beautiful loser, where you gonna fall? When you realize, you just can’t have it all. He’s your oldest and your best friend, if you need him he’ll be there again. He’s always willing to be second-best, a perfect lodger, a perfect guest. He’ll never make any enemies, no. He won’t complain if he’s caught in a freeze. He’ll always ask, he’ll always say please. Beautiful loser, never take it all. Because it’s easier and faster when you fall.” So many great Bob Seger songs to choose from of which I can totally relate to. Classics such as ‘Against the Wind’, ‘Main Street’, ‘Turn the Page’, ‘Night Moves’, and the list goes on and on. But at this very moment in my life, probably none more so than the one I chose for this particular blog. So do I consider myself a loser?, no not really per se. Because I’m certain that there are times in everyone’s lives at some point when things aren’t going just right, and everything you seem to touch turns to shit. So of course you might feel that way from time to time, it’s human nature. Oh right, so back to me, am I a loser in life? No, not even close. But a loser in love? – well there’s certainly an argument to be made there right? (seriously, have you read any of my blogs?)
As the lyrics go, I know that I’m a pretty good guy, a great friend to have. And if at anytime you need me, I’ll be there. Just ask my two daughters about all the moves that my aging back helped them make both here locally and across the country (New York City and Denver). Or my co-workers when they needed some help with writing radio commercials for their clients. Or, well, c’mon there’s no need to keep mentioning all my personal heroics, but yea I think I’m a good guy? And of course I do try to go out of my way to be friendly and courteous to the wait staff at any restaurant or bar that I frequent, or actually anyone in the service industry. I never complain (and if I do, I always apologize to them first beforehand), I’m usually always respectful to them, and yea I tend to tip well too. They got a job to do, and I know it’s not an easy gig. So yea I always ask, and I always say please. However one weakness I suppose that I do have (besides the thinning hair and the dad bod) is that I don’t have this tremendous drive inside me anymore to prove that I’m the ‘top dog’ (either at work or in the game of life). Maybe that just comes with age, wisdom and just getting tired of it all? And really, what truly defines success anyway?
So how does this all relate to me and my love life you ask (you did ask, right?). Simple, this not where I wanted my life to be as I steadily approach the age of sixty. Alone, not knowing if I will ever find love again, and feeling somewhat depressed about all of it at times. Looking back now, I never really had any dreams of mine where I would achieve tremendous success, fame and fortune (maybe that comes from my upbringing?). But goddammit I did at least hope to be in love and know without a doubt that my relationship with the woman that I was to be with, was to be a lifetime commitment, on both our parts. So here I am now, all alone, knowing that no matter how great a career that I’m fortunate to have, or how much money I might have in the bank, or even how great of a friend that I am to others, I’m still that beautiful loser. Always second best, but yea indeed a perfect lodger, a perfect guest. And while I do feel like my back is against the wind most days, I’m so ready to turn the page. Because not to brag, but I do still believe that I have some night moves in me. And I know my life won’t truly be complete for me until that day does happen. Until then, I’ll be in the bars with my friends on Main Street. Or in west Little Rock, or Bryant, Maumelle or wherever my life takes me.