“And when I get that feeling, I want sexual healing. Helps to relieve my mind, sexual healing is something that’s good for me. Whenever blue teardrops are falling, and my emotional stability is leaving me. There is something I can do, I need sexual healing.” Yep, that didn’t take long to catch your attention did it? The word ‘sex’ always seems to do that right?, well that along with ‘free’ ‘food’ and ‘fuck’ (three of my favorite f-words). And in the past 16 months of my life, I have caught myself relying heavily at times on some sexual healing to help me get thru whatever pain that I may have been dealing with. That’s not saying that I used anyone just for that purpose, no not at all. It was always 100% consensual, all of the time of course. I mean I’m not 17 years old anymore crammed up in the backseat of my 1972 Nova, trying to entice someone with whatever smooth moves that I may have had, while listening to the best of Air Supply (which btw, was the only time I had that cassette playing in my car back then). And during these past 16 months, it was always with someone that I cared for and had deep feelings for. Well, okay, most of whom that I really cared for and had deep feelings for. Okay fine, a few of whom that I really, really cared for and had deep feelings for. But much like a drug addict or an alcoholic, when they finally do find out that their drug of choice or their favorite adult beverage isn’t the answer to their life’s problems, I do realize too that sex isn’t necessarily the answer to all of my problems either.
And as I grow older by the day, whatever skills, tricks and stamina that I may still possess in bed (and depending on what day it is and however much liquor & meds that I might have in me dictates that stamina), isn’t going to last forever. The days of possibly impressing a significant other with my prowess is rapidly dwindling to a certain demise. It is human nature of course that the older we get, our body starts to break down. First the mid-section begins to expand, then the hair begins to thin out and recede, our teeth and bones becomes more fragile and starts to decay, before finally the ultimate gut punch of all – the inability to sexually perform will start popping up (no pun intended) from time to time. My own father’s extracurricular activities grinded (again, no pun intended) to a halt after having a major heart attack when he was only 44 years old. 44 freakin’ years old?, are you kidding me?, seems so young now. I know he and my mother tried various things after that, but probably to not much success. And I use the word “probably” because I didn’t ask, and I really didn’t want to know at the time.
I say all this now because, well, even though I’ve always considered myself to be somewhat of a romantic, I do realize that sex is truly just another form of passion. There’s obviously many more ways of showing someone just how much you care and how much that you may adore them. There’s the traditional flowers, gifts and cards for no reason of course. But there’s also just good conversation on the couch over a glass or two of wine (or three?), preparing a lovely meal for that person, or a long weekend trip out of town. I say all this, because I know my time is coming when that’s all I can do really. Hopefully that won’t be tomorrow, or next week, or next year. But it will happen, and in all seriousness I’m just lucky that it hasn’t already happened to me. I look back now when my grandparents were my age, and damn they seemed old then. And I definitely didn’t picture them at the time in the throes of passion (hell, I even have trouble picturing it now). So as I race toward the decade of my 60’s, hopefully I will stop taking my feeling of sexual healing for granted. And while sex does help to relieve my mind and is good for me, it’s not everything. I realize that even when my emotional stability starts to leave me, that there are so many more important things in life than lust and sex. There’s friendship, trust, compatibility, and of course the love that you share with that someone special. And it will happen to me, sooner or later. But hopefully much later of course!