Auld Lang Syne

“Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind? Should old acquaintance be forgot, and auld lang syne? For old times since my dear, for auld lang syne. We’ll drink a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne.  And surely you’ll have your pint cup, and surely I’ll have mine. And we’ll drink a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne.” So another year has officially passed, and a new one just begun. And my New Year’s Eve (as well as the days before and after) was spent with many of my co-workers, friends, listeners of our station, and countless Razorback fans down in the Tampa area for the bowl game. Ironically however, I was all alone in my hotel room when the clock struck midnight as the ball dropped. Not only that, I was also already asleep as well during that magical moment (what can I say?, it was a long day). But I didn’t need to be awake when the calendar to a new year turned, to realize that I am already creeping ever so slowly till the dusk of my own life, when the calendars will cease to continue to turn for me. And the older we all do get, it’s of course natural to look back upon one’s life with regret, remorse, and even wishes for a redo. But that’s not possible, so we go on. And hopefully somehow correct those wrongs (not all of them of course, but as many as possible) before our last breath on this earth, maybe even during this brand new year in front of us perhaps?

Like most everyone, I too have a lot of regrets and remorse, in fact way too many to mention. Some of them stand out more than others. Like why hasn’t one of my very best friends, someone who I’ve basically grown up with at least since 7th grade, just disappeared out of my life? When I, along with others, text him to basically just check on him or see if he’s available to meet up for a cold beer somewhere, he basically just replies back with very few words (if he even replies back at all?). We all keep hoping he’ll come back around, however none of us have any answers to what might have happened? But I give him his privacy and his space, and hope one day he’ll reach out to me, or at least one of us. Also I did have the opportunity to spend some time with my ex-wife (the mother of both my daughters) on Christmas night with our oldest child. We have been divorced for over a decade now, and actually get along great now. But, and are you ready for this?, she follows this little blog of mine – hell I had no idea!!! And she did bring up an interesting question, which is why I don’t discuss our marriage and divorce in it?, along with the highs and lows of it? That was a great question actually, one that I didn’t really have a good answer to unfortunately. Other than the fact that I do carry the weight of a lot of shame stemming from all my shortcomings that I had as a husband. And I know that she went thru much more pain and hurt from the divorce than I did. And for that (since I’m now aware that she does read this), I truly am sorry that I caused her that pain and hurt, which she didn’t deserve at all.

So while this treasured song is an annual tradition to be sung during each passing from the old year to the new, I strongly disagree with the lyrics (at least from my personal point of view). Because I don’t want those old acquaintances of mine to ever be forgotten, and never brought to mind. Those good friends and the memories made with them are what has helped shape me into who I am today. So to my very good friend who I hope one day will reach out again, and to the mother of my children who has always had a heart of gold, I raise my pint cup of kindness to them, and many others like them as well. For old times, and for old acquaintance not to be forgot, for auld lang syne.