“I won’t ask for promises, so you don’t have to lie. We’ve both played that game before, say I love you then say goodbye. I’m not talking about moving in and I don’t wanna change your life. But there’s a warm wind blowing, the stars are out and I’d really love to see you tonight.” A classic yacht rock song that everyone knows, and loves to sing to right? In fact me and my co-worker and very good friend that I’ve known and worked beside for nearly two decades (and I use the word “work” very loosely here) was just singing this song together recently. As hard as this past year has been for me, it pales insignificantly to her own woes and hardships. In fact, I’m uncomfortable even trying to compare my experiences to hers. Yes in the past year I lost a mother to Alzheimer’s, got dumped after a nine-year relationship, and had to struggle thru about a 30% drop in billing on my commissions because of covid. But she somehow bravely suffered thru back-to-back personal tragedies in her life (the worst tragedies imaginable), and both within a month of each other. Tragedies that might could have easily taken down a less stronger woman than her? So anytime I start to feel sorry for myself and the thoughts of having to start my own life over this past year, it’s nothing compared to the very difficult ordeal and the dark, personal struggles that she’s had to go thru. And I’m sure many times throughout the past year she felt all alone and abandoned. Maybe she thought at times was it even worth fighting thru it? But one thing that we definitely do have in common (besides our affection for each other and our close lifetime friendship), is at times we have both had to rely on those bottled spirits to get us thru (namely wine and peanut butter whiskey), at least to the next day. Yea, not a healthy way of doing it I grant you, but as John Lennon once sang, “whatever gets you thru the night” right?
I don’t know what my own future holds, but I’m at the age now that I just want to be compatible with someone, to share the same sense of humor and to laugh uncontrollably with, break open a bottle of red wine over a good meal with, and yea, have some really good sex with at times too maybe. But more than anything, to fall asleep next to and then wake up the next morning to with my best friend at my side. Do I want to get married again?, yes absolutely, well if it’s in the cards for me? But if not, I’m okay with that too. I just long for that loving relationship that is not in my life at this present moment. I’ve had the honor of meeting several women this past year (okay, I won’t define “several” here), and they’ve all been a pleasure to meet and get to know. And some great new friendships have come of it too. But it seems like the one or ones that I can possibly picture spending the rest of my life with, well, they may not have had those same feelings for me? And that’s okay, it really is, because that’s how the game is played. We all try to find our best fit in life, and it’s not easy by any means I know. So that’s why I won’t ask anyone for promises, at least not just yet. And I’m not talking about moving in and I definitely don’t wanna change their life. But as the song goes, there’s a warm wind blowing, the stars are out, and I’d really love to see you tonight. Because going thru life all alone, well it fucking sucks. And what about my special friend that I sang this song with recently? I hope she is able to find her light once again, because we all want nothing but the very best for her. She so deserves to find that happiness in her life again, eventually.