“Alone in a crowd on a bus after work, and I’m dreaming. The guy next to me has a girl in his arms, my arms are empty. How does it feel when the girl next to you says she loves you? It seems so unfair when there’s love everywhere, but there’s none for me. Some guys have all the luck, some guys have all the pain. Some guys get all the breaks, some guys do nothing but complain.” Now to be fair, I’ve been that guy. The one that seemingly did have all the luck, got all the breaks, the guy who had no reason to complain about, well, really nothing at all. As they like to say – “life was indeed my oyster”. I was achieving everything that I wanted to, and I was enjoying life to the fullest. And then when I felt that I was truly on top of the world, life sucker-punched me when I wasn’t looking. Followed by a hearty laugh I’m sure? First having to battle thru that demon known as cancer (along with the brutal radiation treatments that went with it). Then just when I thought I had slayed that dragon and feeling like I was once again in control of everything?, life said “oh cocky are you, whadda think about this?” Rapidly throwing me a quick succession of hits like my mother’s Alzheimer’s condition worsening till the point when she drew her last breath, then the worldwide plague of Covid causing a huge hit in my billing and finances, before saving its best for last. The knockout punch when my ex threw me out on my keister, explaining to me that she had been thinking about it for two years, that she was no longer in love with me, and had come to the realization that it was time for her to restart the next chapter in her life. And fortunately for her, that next chapter arrived rather quickly in the form of a new man, one that she proudly boasted about on facebook less than seven weeks after I had moved out. But I’m sure that was just a coincidence, right place at the right time? See, some guys do have all the luck.
I do understand that some people are indeed naturally lucky, or perhaps they’re just fortunate and it’s not really luck at all? In fact, one of my favorite people in the world (a former client and still good friend) won a million-dollar lotter from a scratch-off ticket. One that he bought at a damn convenience store on his way home. Then just a few months after that, he hit a slot machine at a casino in Hot Springs for another $28,000. But there’s no one that I’d want more to have that happen to than him (well, except for me of course). And within the past year after this new chapter of my own life had started, several guys I know have either married, become engaged, or have found a new love. And I’m talking about guys who, well how should I put this?, not exactly the best-looking cats around. And their new significant others are surprisingly, well, okay they’re cute dammit. Jealous?, maybe?, but why the hell them and not me? Yea, good question, one that I’ve asked myself a time or two also. And truly I’m not bitter at all about their good fortunes, or the lack of mine at this time. My hat’s off to them, seriously.
And when it comes to me finding love again, I suppose that one could could describe me as a serial dater over the past year? Which basically means I’ve been on dates (single or multiple dates) with probably more than a dozen or so women in that time (not that I’ve counted, but yea at least that many, maybe more?). So is that too many you might ask? I’m not sure, because I don’t really know what “too many” is? Perhaps I’m so damn eager to find love again, that I’m not going down without a fight until I do?, so line em’ up! However of all the women that I have dated since that time, only one of those is someone that I probably got somewhat close to feeling those once familiar feelings of love with. And that’s not saying that I’m not capable of also having those same feelings for anyone else that has come into my life since, because I think I am. But maybe I haven’t yet spent that much time with someone else yet?, or they’re not in a position in their own life to also feel that same way?, so it never went any further. And as we all know, just because one person might have those same feelings, doesn’t necessarily mean the other one feels it too. Hell, I’m the prime example of that. So for those guys out there that are lucky to have a girl in their arms, one who says that she loves you – soak it all up buddy. Because unfortunately for the rest of us, love isn’t everywhere, and maybe it isn’t fair? But fair or not, I’ve had enough pain, and I’m too fucking tired to continue to complain. So I’m ready for my luck and I truly believe one day (maybe when I least expect it?) it will happen. So life, I’ve learned my lesson, let’s call it a truce and finally give me a damn break again.