“First steps, first words, seems like yesterday you were just a girl. Skinned knees, climbing trees, all those memories so close to me. Sixteen, first car, twenty-one and there’s a broken heart. High heels, strong will, in my eyes I see a young child still. But you’ll always be my baby, no matter where you are. You’ll always be my baby, forever in my heart.” You know the love I have for both of my daughters obviously goes without saying, is immeasurable. They are without any shadow of a doubt the reason why I am still alive and breathing, and the reason why I came into this world to begin with. And I know that most all parents feel the same way about their own children as well. From the time they first come out of the womb to our dying breath, it’s the continuity of life from one generation to the other. And as I age each and every day, and face my own eventual mortality, I know I’m in good hands, because they both love and cherish me, as much as I do the both of them. And I have no worries or doubts that they will be there to make sure that I’m taken care of in the best way possible when my last days slowly begin to draw to an end. I only hope it’s as painless to them as it will be for me, and that it’s not a long, sufferable journey for any of us.
It’s been a year ago that my nine year relationship with the woman that I was once in love with came to an end. And I was in tremendous shock at the time and had no direction in life of what was next for me. My only saving grace was that my oldest daughter’s marriage was, unfortunately for her, also ending at the very same exact time. And she was moving back home from Chicago to restart her own life as well. I look back at it all now, a year later, and wonder what would have happened had both of our lives not changed so dramatically, and at the very same exact time? I know I’m the dad, and I’m the one that’s supposed to be there for both my baby girls when they go thru those periods in their lives where it seems so hopeless, where nothing makes sense anymore, and we feel what’s the point in even trying? But truthfully, she was there for me in many ways much more than I was there for her. Without her presence, the past year of my life would have been very different I’m sure, and probably much darker. Her own strength encouraged me to keep going, to keep fighting thru my own depression, and to realize that there was a tomorrow. And that better days were indeed ahead. And maybe with some luck, that I might eventually meet someone who would be a much better fit for me? Someone that would make me laugh, someone that I would enjoy being with even more than before? She truly has helped me to work thru all those confusing emotions of mine at the time, and to hopefully figure out what my next step in life really is (and I’ve realized there’s no rush, when the stars are aligned and the time is right, good things will happen). All I do know for certain is that I am now in such a better place in my life because of my daughter’s strength, and her company over this past year. And I will forever be grateful to her for that.
My youngest daughter undoubtedly would have done the same for me, however that 1,700 mile stretch from Little Rock to San Diego can be somewhat of a hindrance at times. Besides, she’s about ready to bring her son, my grandson, into this sometimes cruel, but yet still beautiful world. Yep, her own version of providing the continuity of life from one generation to the other, and then so on and so on like it has been since the dawn of time. I say all this because it does seem like yesterday when they were both just little girls, with skinned knees and climbing trees. And even though each of them are now adults with college degrees, careers and with my first grandchild on the way, they’ll both always be my babies, no matter where they are. Whether here close to home, or on the west coast many miles away, they’ll always be my babies, forever in my heart. And I am a very lucky father.