“This is for all the single people, thinking that love has left them dry. Don’t give up until you drink from the silver cup, you never know until you try. Well I’m on my way, yes I’m back to stay, well I’m on my way back home. This is for all the lonely people, thinking that life has passed them by. Don’t give up until you drink from the silver cup, and never take you down or never give you up. You never know until you try.” As I write this latest blog of mine from a lonely hotel room in Tucumcari, New Mexico (c’mon, aren’t all hotel rooms “lonely” if you’re not sharing it with someone?), I can’t help to think what is to become of the rest of my life?, however long or short that may be? The good news (other than I’m on my way to visit my daughter and newborn grandson in San Diego) is that I had my annual CT scans yesterday, as part of my now 4-year journey to finally “beat” cancer (or as I like to call it, “a truce with cancer”). And fortunately for me, all the results came back clear once again. Or in precise medical terms – “stable post treatment changes without evidence of recurrent/residual mass or adenopathy and no pleural or pericardial effusions. No lymphadenopathy noted in the mediastinum or the hilar areas, nor in either axilla and no thyromegaly. Also there are no residual fluid collections in this area. Lung windows show moderate lung inflation, and no acute infectious or inflammatory findings noted in lung windows as well as no suspicious nodules visible in either lung. There are no cavitary lung lesions and the airway is relatively well maintained”. So yea, all clear right? (at least I hope all that medical jargon means clear?).
I truly do know that I am a fortunate guy. Because had I not noticed an unusual lump on my throat one morning a little over four years ago while shaving, who knows how long it would have been until I went to see a doctor about it? The scariest words I ever heard was a few weeks later when my ENT specialist said “it’s between a stage 3 and stage 4 prognosis”. Stage 4 huh?, yep, time to get all my affairs in order, and put everything down on paper for my daughters, you know, just in case? And even though I was in a very committed relationship at the time (and she was there every step of the way helping to nurse me back to health), and also had my family and a large group of friends who were there for me if I needed anything, it was still just me trying to fight this demon off. It was still just me who after a major surgery, three rounds of chemo, and a blast of radiation in the throat every day for six straight weeks, could not eat, drink or even swallow the tiniest sliver of saliva for close to two months. It was still just me who was having to spit up some of the most horrible-looking phlegm into a bucket constantly. It was still just me who couldn’t sleep at night, and who would occasionally maybe even cry when I knew anyone wasn’t looking. And it was just me, someone who had always taken the pleasure of the joy of eating and drinking for granted, who was in agony because all I could dream about was biting into a sandwich dripping with mayonnaise. Yea, I don’t get that either, but I certainly did. And good lord, why did every commercial on television have to be about food at that time of my agony?
But I never gave up, and finally I was able to actually take a tiny sip from a silver cup. And then eventually a second larger sip, followed soon by somewhat of a gulp, and then one day before I realized it, I was pretty much back to normal with my drinking and eating (though I do eat a lot slower now). And while four years later, my life is completely different now, I’m no longer in a very committed relationship with that same person (or any person actually), I still look back on all that as a learning experience. To not take anything in life for granted, even the small, simple pleasures like the joy of eating and drinking. Or not to take love for granted, because I’m a prime example that all of that can be gone the very next day. So for all the single people, thinking that love has left them dry. Never give up, because it’s only temporary, love will find it’s way back to you. And when that does happens, then you’ll know that life hasn’t passed you by. And I hope it’s true for me someday as well. And if it is, I won’t take it, or anything else, for granted.
👏👏👏